if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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