you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
