Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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