well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
