My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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