8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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