Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
