HIV tests are more positive than that guy
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
