he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Vodka?
Forever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
