So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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