She said her name was "party"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
