We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
