Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
