i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Blood and glitter go together right?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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