he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You are the jesus of drinking
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
