dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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