god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize