$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
