You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
