I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize