Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
