I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
