Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize