fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
