you traded sex for a burrito?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
