I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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