What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
