Sorry, I don't speak sober.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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