You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
