my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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