dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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