i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
