College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Too much gin, very little bucket
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize