Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
