I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize