Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the raccoons are back...
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