We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
