hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
jump out the window naked night went bad
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
