what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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