Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
