garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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