my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
