Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My vagina just clenched in fear
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
