Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
