Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
