No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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