You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
