Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
