his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
