I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
