You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
