Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
