five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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