I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
