The maid of honor just puked.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
COCAINE IS GR8
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
