Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
