I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
