i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
