took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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