I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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