Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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