we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
