Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
3pm strippers are depressing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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