I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
