apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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