So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize